About: I Found A Lump – Personal Breast Cancer Journey
My Unfiltered Journey
Welcome. I figured instead of a plain “about me” page I would make it a post. Yup, this is a blog post— about me and what this site is. A little out of the ordinary, but that’s how I roll.
Hi, I’m Tina-Marie, or “T”, I am the voice behind “I Found A Lump. This Blogzine is my story from deep inside the trenches of the cancer war—part research, part personal reckoning.
I’m a truth-seeker, a rebel against the pink ribbon circus, and I raise my voice for every moment I felt dismissed, patronized, or treated like another cog on Big Pharma’s assembly line. I’m done with “stay positive” slogans while crawling through hell.
Seriously—have you ever seen a Marine wearing a smile and singing a merry tune while under fire?
So why are women with breast cancer expected to?
Cancer is a battle—a war waged inside our own bodies, mind, and soul—and not everyone comes home. So isn’t it time we speak out and demand better from the wealthiest nations on Earth?
Treatments that kill, that have horrific side effects, that cause cancer, that erase us, is just not acceptable. But wait, we are told we have a choice – we can take it, or choose not to— and die. That is not a choice we should be put into, our treatments should be better than what they are. Stop degrading natural medicine, stop dismissing our pain.
With cancer on the rise every year, don’t you think it’s time to speak out and say we demand better? “Poorer” countries integrate natural care with great success, so why are the wealthiest countries behind? Politics? Money? Ego? Or just because no one stepped up and said enough?
I’m scared, angry, confused, and sometimes I just want to scream! Or give up, wishing to bury my head in the sand, attempting to make it all go away. Some days I’m a warrior, ready to take on the next dragon. But then there is this ludicrous system that expects cancer fighters to put on a smile, get back to work, make that money for the fat cats, as if everything is ok, as if nothing has completely destroyed my life. It’s not ok– and it is ok, to not be ok!
Search For Truth With A Capital “T”
I know that this diagnosis will forever change every part of my life, the life I knew is over, an understanding many refuse to admit trying desperately to get back to the old ways, eating the old ways, as if this never happened. This way is not my way, I will face the truth, and make the change.
I have, as I would guess many others have done, researched and read study after study searching for answers to questions Dr’s don’t know or refuse to admit. But I’m here, writing it all down. I try to find the answers to my questions and a bit of inspiration. Trusting that maybe the hard truths will give me strength. Better care for my body, and have a quality of life that is worth living.
Pulling Back The Curtain
Why did I start this dang mountain of a task right at the start of my cancer journey? A blog and an Op-Ed Magazine? Because putting it out there, even if you are surrounded by loved ones, it’s a lonely journey and maybe this will make it feel less lonely—for me, and maybe for you. Maybe I will find someone else who also found the truth and together we can walk out of this darkness. I’ll share my regrets, fears, moments I cry alone in the dark, and the times I laugh because it’s all so absurd.
From bills piling up, out of work, lack of options, endless doctors’ appointments, and hospital calls that outnumber friend check-ins. and an isolation that no one can really understand until you’re in it. From expectations, naivety, family issues, and trying to be strong for others, for my daughter. How do you help your children who say her fear is mom leaving her. How do I help her be able to deal with the loss before I… If I go?
Rage at a system that’s so deeply inhumane. I’m navigating this dehumanizing warzone, the cold, mechanical focus on killing cancer cells at the expense of the person’s body, soul, spirit, health, and the very thing that makes a woman – woman. This battle is not just with the body but also trying to keep who I am alive, that spark– that little girl whose dream was to be loved, safe, and happy. Sometimes it all feels like it was stolen and all that’s left is to mourn the loss.
Sense of humor is a personal thing, sometimes it can be a bit morbid, then again, lighten the day with a sprinkle of sarcasm, old movie references, and that’s just the way things get done, I’ll attempt at grace when I can muster it, and a lot of thought and real talk. I’m not trying to please anyone, be polite, I have learned that political correctness is a lie—I’m just being real. So, if you want soft gloves you’ll probably not like it here and should just keep moving on elsewhere. But, if you want that sister that tells the truth, even when it hurts, stick around, I am that sister.
Understanding This Site
This Blogzine is broken up into two sections, the magazine “IFAL MAGAZINE” Where I post my research, my findings, my interpretations of, things that I found interesting, and things that should be made aware to the public. It’s an Op-Ed type platform and though I try to be accurate, it’s still not professional advice.
Then my Blog posts “As T Sees It” where it’s my journey, this is me, raw, honest, vulnerable, and fumbling through the human side of breast cancer—the side that is often forgotten or ignored. The emotional chaos, the financial stress, the medical unknowns, frustration with the abuses of the system, and sometimes doing it all alone. I don’t know the dragon I am about to face, choices I will make, and regrets of some of those choices, and that’s the point.
This is my story unfolding, because I suspect I’m not the only one feeling this way, or has the questions I have, or is not getting the answers they seek, because it feels like they dismiss you and no one is listening. Guess what? Most of the time, no one is listening and they are dismissing what you say and feel.
Searching for God and Purpose
Finding faith through my cancer journey is not easy, this new life challenge I need more than just white coats and drugs. I’m seeking out God, trying to hear Him through the noise, chaos, fear and confusion. To be perfectly honest I have struggled for many years with faith, I find it hard to “hear him”. Sometimes I think maybe I was answered, and most of the time I’m unsure if my calls to him are even getting through, but I keep trying.
I’m learning to listen, to “let go”, to find meaning when nothing makes sense. Some days, I pray for a purpose to keep me going; others, I’m just begging for Him to sit with me in the dark so I don’t feel so alone.
This isn’t about having it figured out—my faith is wobbly because I haven’t seen much help throughout my life– every step has always been a struggle. Breast cancer isn’t just invading my body; it’s forcing me to wrestle with other questions. Why, no matter how hard I tried, was my life just one bad story after another just to pile on another, cancer. What was it all for? When is it my turn for happiness? I don’t have answers, just questions. I mean really! Life has got to be better than this.
Come Along, If You Want
If you’re facing breast cancer, (or any cancer or any life challenge) if you want to know how someone you know going through cancer might be feeling. Come along, you’re welcome here.
If you comment, keep it clean, polite, we all have enough stress we don’t need to pick up more – remember there is a real person on the other end of those black and white letters.
By creating this site I wish to help someone out there know you’re not alone in the abyss. I’m here, fumbling through too, and maybe we can keep each other company and find the light together.
If you are seeking professional advice in anything, medical, legal, psychiatric, or otherwise, this is not the place- if you need professional help, seek out a professional – nothing on this site is to be taken as professional advice in any way, implied, inferred, or otherwise.
Thanks for stopping by.
T